This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
