taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
