Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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