if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
