Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
