this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
