he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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