Cold hands, warm shart.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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