Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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