Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
