Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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