the day after is always just damage control
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
