Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Randomize
