This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
