Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
