your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
