I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
