so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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