long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
