Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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