i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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