Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
