Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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