walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
