When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
