He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
we're so committed to being not committed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
