i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
