yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
