So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
