i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
