He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
