Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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