Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
