I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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