I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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