sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
