So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
