It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
