Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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