thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
