no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
