super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
