oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my sisters under your porch take her home
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
