Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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