Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
