I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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