u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
