you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the raccoons are back...
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