i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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