shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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