Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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