I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
