considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
