Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
