I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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