I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
