So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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