Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
